5 YEAR VEGANNIVERSARY!

Friends! I know I've been so MIA lately and I am so sorry because I have so much I want to post and not enough time to post it. I want to share some of my life with you today, on this very special day, as I celebrate my 5 Year Veganniversary!

I really love this quote from KVD, one of my personal favorite ladies and an icon for me. She is strong, fierce, and steadfast in her convictions. She's the prettier, cooler and gothier version of me I wish I was lol. I spent 15 years as a vegetarian before going vegan 5 years ago, and her comment on perspective is so true, in multiple ways.

Perspective is a point of view right? My perspective is that animals are friends, not food. No animal ever deserves to be on my plate. My perspective is that every animal is equal; a dog is no more an animal than a cow. Cows physically weep when they're about to be slaughtered, did you know that? I mean, they literally howl, a guttural cry, because they are such intelligent creatures and they know what's about to happen to them? Can you imagine your pet being in that situation? For no other reason than so someone can eat it?  I won't even use perspective on the horrible abuse farm animals receive, the living conditions if you want to call it that they they're subject to, and the absolute absurdity of the entire thing- these are not perspectives, these are facts. Watch a video or documentary if you don't believe me. My perspective is that I care enough about humans, Earth, and every living creature enough on this planet to know that by being vegan I am helping all living things. My perspective is that compassion is a value that rules me at my core. My perspective is that being a vegan is one of the best decision I've ever made in my life.

Being a vegan is one of the best decisions I've ever made for the aforementioned reasons, but also because it gives me purpose and it's reliable. Every day, I am a vegan. Life and I have not been seeing eye to eye for a long time, and the universe is just kicking me while I'm down. For example, today is my veganniversary. Usually, I go to The Greyhound Cafe with my husband and we enjoy a meal, talk to Joe the owner, and it's really special. That didn't happen this year, because my husband and I are divorcing and I spent the entire day, with the help of my mom and my friends, re-doing my apartment to make it feel like my apartment and not our apartment. Tonight, we should be going to my dads and watching fireworks with him and my sister, but we're not. There is no longer a "we." Nothing prepares you for your entire life to come crashing down in front of you, and there's no brakes and nothing to stop it; you're helpless as it collapses. Grieving the loss of what could have and should have been, grieving the identity of who I was, grieving everything. Happy days are no longer what they used to be, holidays are worse than ever, work and school are so overwhelming and I come home to an empty apartment (excluding my cats) and it feels like a part of me has died that will never return.

This is my perspective on my life right now. It is shit. Having mental illnesses do not help said perspective, because they reinforce negative thought patterns that it will always be shit. I'm trying really really hard to not let them always be shit, but this is, to date, the hardest thing I have ever encountered. This speak volumes because my life has always been one of discomfort and difficulties, but here I am, worse than I've ever been and faking it harder than I ever have. Veganism is presently one of the only consistent things in my life right now, so while I celebrate a half of a decade being a vegan, I celebrate that consistency extra today.

Now that I have poured my heart out to all 5 of you that read this, I will end this with well wishes for everyone- may you all be truly happy, whatever that looks like to you. Oh, and GO VEGAN! =)