I've been following Chenoa Manor (a farm animal sanctuary) on Instagram for a little while now, and have been wanting to take one of their tours forever, but everything they either sell out or I have to work that Saturday. Well, yesterday Kevin and I were finally able to go, so I wanted to share my experience with you!
I had bought tickets in advance, which is $25 per person but it's a donation, so the money goes directly back to the animals. The tour starts at 11am and ends at approximately 12:30pm. They ask that you hold your pictures until the end so that you can be in the present, and it's easier to remember your experiences in the present. I loved that outlook, because it's so true. As an avid picture taker, sometimes I see the beautiful picture I took, but can't remember the experience I was having while taking it. So now I have this beautiful photo but not much emotion tied to it since I forget.
So let's start from the beginning, they send an email a few days prior to the tour to give you some general information. What I love is that, considering Chenoa Manor was built on ancient Native American land, they ask for a food donation for the animals, as Native American tradition would. They said what is most loved by the animals in the email; dark leafy greens and peppers. I stopped at Giant and got a thing of spinach, a thing of picked greens, three bell peppers, and a bag of baby carrots.
Prior to the tour they ask you about yourselves, why you came, what you're hoping to learn from the experience, and then they tell you a little about themselves and the sanctuary. This is one of 40 accredited sanctuaries in the United States (I think he said 40, I was distracted by baby goats so I can't be sure.) What that means is someone came out from the organization and checked to see that the animals are all getting proper care, food, and treatment, and plenty of space to live a happy life. They're a non-profit and they rely solely on volunteers and the kindness of donations. The two we met, Heather and Mike, are the owners from what I established.
They had: goats, donkeys, horses, pigs, ponies, chickens, rabbits, roosters, turtles, birds, ducks, geese, and even a llama! All of the animals are spayed and neutered, since these animals never get adopted out, they can't have too many that won't fit. The exception was two pregnant cows that accidentally got dropped off there instead of three llamas lol.
Our tour guide was Heather and she was terrific. She was so thorough, so full of knowledge, and her care and love for the animals, and the Manor in general really came through in her actions and her overall mannerisms. She truly believes in what she is doing and that's beautiful. We need more people like her and Mike in the world.
I truly want you to visit for yourself, so I'm gonna share just a few stories that really impacted me and a few photos, but they're nothing like being there.
The first story is about Giuseppe, who's a donkey and he looks EXACTLY like Donkey from Shrek. He came right up to me and was very friendly with all of the visitors. He apparently came from a big game farm, where people would bring in exotic animals and shoot them. I didn't know places like this could exist. It's another reminder of how cruel people can be to animals, and it's never something I will have the mental capacity to understand.
Another story that touched my heart was Bette, a big pig. As a piglet she actually fell off a farm truck, and a passer by picked her up and raised her until she became too pig to take care of. Chenoa Manor then took her in. While on the Manor itself, she actually got shot with a bow and arrow, by some asshole they never found out who, but here's what's amazing. Another pig, who had since passed away, actually pulled the arrow from her like by himself. And when she needed to leave to go get the vet care she needed (they have a vet close by that they work with and the vet sounds amazing), Bette was afraid to go. So this pig that has since passed, actually helped nudge Bette to the cart and helped her be less afraid, kind of like telling her it's okay don't be scared. Bette went and made a fun recovery. Another lesson we can learn from animals. Now a days, someone gets shot with a bow and arrow and some idiot records it instead of helping. You see videos like this all the time. Put the phone down and help. Simple as that. And to hear how smart and caring these pigs are, it just blows my mind and makes me sick how people can eat them.
One of the goats, Pricilla, was my favorite. She was very friendly and tried to eat the buttons of my sweater lol. She then nudged me from behind on my butt because she wanted attention. It was adorable!
Also, we got to meet most of the cows! Most were napping, but they got up. The big cow, Jamar, he was out roaming around, but we did see a glimpse of him. One of the baby cows, Ama, oh she was SO CUTE! Cows are literally giant dogs. She licked my hand and I was petting her. She really liked Kevin too. Another animal I'll never understand people wanting to eat. Your basically eating dogs when you eat cows. Their mannerisms and how they act are just like dogs. They're truly majestic creatures and I only wish we could've spent more time with them. But I understand the need for naps, so we respected that.
I left there feeling hope. After knowing what I know of factory farming, seeing these animals knowing that they can live out the remainder of their lives happy makes my heart happy. I felt emotional a few times hearing the stories of the animals, since most are of neglect and abuse. But that's all that's ever focused on, is the bad side. This is the good side. It restored my faith in humanity, these people have dedicated their lives and their money to caring for these animals. It reinforced in me a fact that I always knew, being vegan is the ONLY way to live. People lose that farm to table connection when they eat their food. What you're seeing here is animals that very easily could've been your dinner. Your dinner has a name. It's Bette, Ama, Bentley, Ovidio.. and a TON of others. Do your own research people. Eating animals is not only cruel and unnecessary, but it's immoral. And if that's not enough of a reason for you, then realize that factory farming is DESTROYING our planet. Going to this place reinforces the beliefs I have, and makes me that much happier to not be a part of the problem. Visit there. See for yourself. Get that connection back that we lose as we get older. If you would rather not come here, watch Cowspiracy. I physically can't watch it, it's too much for me to handle, but maybe if more people knew the truth and opened their eyes, they would see the way. I don't want to sound like a preachy vegan but if I am right now, fine. I will always be their voice and I will never be silenced!
At the end of the day, I hope you decide to visit for yourselves. For the animals, for the beauty that is Chenoa Manor, and for the passion that these people have. It was truly inspiring.
I'm gonna post a few of my favorite photos too, with some captions explaining them and what they are. Enjoy!
Here's a list of things I can't resist:
Why am I telling you this? If you guessed that this post might have something to do with one of those things, you are correct. If you've been reading my blog for some time, you've noticed that I have a bit of an obsession with Danielle Nicole's Disney collection. I have the Beast clutch, The Beauty and the Beast vintage book style small cross body bag, and I recently added another to my collection that I truly couldn't resist.
This Tinker Bell back pack won my heart the minute I saw it. Albeit the case, Tinker Bell isn't my favorite Disney character. I do love her of course, because I love fairies. But typically she's not the first I go for. However, I just like needed to have this bag.
First of all, there's a yellow pom pom for her bun. STOP IT! How cute is that?! Second she's got wings, like legit wings. They're attached but when you're using the bag they flap like real wings. And on the other side (sadly it gets covered up by your back when you're wearing it as a back pack) is her face looking through the keyhole. I mean seriously, HOW CUTE IS THIS?!
They do offer a smaller cross body bag version, with the same design, and it's cheaper ($68), but I wanted an actual bag that I could use for work everyday. And I carry a decent amount of stuff. The one deciding factor I have on whether or not a bag will work for me is if I can fit my planner in it. Fortunately, my planner fits like a glove in this one! I can also fit all the other crap I take with me on a daily basis. Most of which is unnecessary but I'm kind of like a Girl Scout in the sense that if you need it, I probably have it.
Now there is a few things I wanna mention. Some to me are pros and others are cons, some are a mix of both. You can take them as you'd like depending on your personal preferences.
-This bag has a handle and also the backpack straps. Now, with a little finagling, you can probably remove the backpack straps, but you'll have some flaps on the bottom that are sewn on that you'll have to deal with. I love that it has both, I just wish that the backpack straps were like clip ons so they could be removed easier and cleaner. At 28, I don't necessarily need a backpack, but it does make me feel young when I use it as a backpack, and I'm forever young at heart.
-This bag only offers snap closure. The crossbody is a zipper. I don't really like snap closures. I just don't think they're super secure, and like someone could dig right in and snag something out of my bag. Also, I got caught in the pouring rain the other day and of course, some of my belongings got wet since there was no full zipper closure.
-I do have a fear that the wings and/or pom pom may fall off. I'm hoping the craftsmanship is good enough that they won't. It could just be my anxiety running wild, but I wanted to mention that too.
-According to the tag, the bag retails for $78, but I paid $88 (+tax) on Amazon and couldn't do same day shipping despite having Prime. I had to wait like almost 3 days to get it. I'm impatient and I was disappointed lol. Disney Store's website had them for $88.95 but they sold out almost immediately. The small cross body version is available on Danielle Nicole's website, but not this sized one. I do know that her website usually offers free shipping too.
-This is always a pro and it's one that's always worth mentioning: Danielle Nicole makes adorable bags (Disney and non) and they're all cruelty free! Faux leather forever!
Overall, despite the minor set backs in my opinion, I love my bag, and I've gotten so many compliments on it already, and I've only had it a few days. It's beautiful and I love it!
If you haven't invested in a Danielle Nicole bag, I suggest that you do. The hardest part is deciding which to get, because she's got so many cute ones!
Today I wanted to review for you guys the Skin Lighten Cream by Derma E. I've been using it for about a full month now, day and night, on two acne discoloration marks that I find incredibly bothersome, so I wanted to report my results.
Let me first say, there is no miracle cure for acne discoloration. Literally, none. There's no amount of creams that will fix them 100%. I've heard skin needling is a thing that helps, but I find that both incredibly dangerous and unsanitary especially when not being done by professionals since people are buying their own kits and doing it at home. I can't speak to the effectiveness of it, because rolling little needles all over my face and risking various types of bacterial infections and permanent damage to my skin doesn't sound appealing to me. To each is own.
Because I wasn't thinking, I didn't take a picture of the before shot. And I'm not gonna take a picture now, and I'll explain why.
Here's my thoughts:
-The cream is thick but a little goes a long way. I barely pat my finger on it and it's enough to cover the spots I wanted to apply it on.
-I started it on March 1st and have been using it morning and night (with the exception of maybe one or two nights), and they say it can take 3-4 weeks to see results. I stopped using it in April (read on to find out why.)
-This product is all natural, and has great ingredients like Ginseng, Vitamin C, Milk Thistle, Licorice and much more to work together to help reduce the discoloration.
-While it doesn't necessary claim to help with acne scars (it says age and liver spots in the description on their website), the ingredients are supposed to help with melatonin and as your skin renews every 28 days, you should see a more even completion.
-After using it, I feel like my one spot is slightly lighter than it was. It's the darkest and most noticeable one that I have, which is why I targeted it. My skin is uneven all over. I've got a lot of redness throughout. But this scar is brown, and it's definitely got to go. I hope that with extended use, it will help to reduce the discoloration even more.
-Here's the main issue: it made me break out. So the one spot I was using it on that I noticed a slight difference in, ended up getting two pimples which turned into now three spots as compared to my one! I don't think this product is for those with acne prone skin. I'm actually quite surprised by the break out because Derma E is such a great brand.
Unfortunately, this one wasn't a winner for me. I won't be using it again. I have essentially a whole jar left too. So if you're a fan let me know, I'll sell it to you for a reasonable price!
I did a thing today. I got my chakras balanced and I spent time in a salt room. And I'm so excited to share my experience with you guys.
You may have read before, as I've briefly mentioned in a few others posts, that I am an empath. An empath is sensitive person who feels and absorbs other people's feelings and emotions, good and bad. All of these feelings can really take a toll on your well being.
I truly believe in the transfer of energy. I know from having my salt lamps what they do for my energy and the vibes in my apartment. I knew a salt room would be that x10 so I was excited to try it. And I was so excited to get my chakras balanced, having never done it. When they get blocked, they can cause all sorts of mental, physical, and spiritual issues. These blockages can manifest in so many negative ways.
I got an email from Groupon, like I usually do, and this time I actually looked, and the top one was for salt room. I've always wanted to try one and I decided to check it out. There was a coupon too, saving me an additional $5, so I figured why not? The place is called Soul Spirit Salt Spa in Hatboro. It was a bit of a hike, but I just felt like I should try it. I was being drawn to it.
My husband was kind enough to drive me to it, since I don't drive the highway, and as soon as I walked in, I felt a really good energy. I knew I was in the right place.
The woman who owns it, her name is Dottie, is just a really sweet woman. The first thing she did was balance my chakras. I want to explain what it was like to have this done, and I want to really go into detail about it because it was a truly moving experience. What she did was let the Spirits and Angels guide her to the chair and which way to face it. She used a tuning fork throughout it, and maybe also a bell, and my eyes remain closed. She not only uses the tuning fork for just the sound, but also the vibrations as she places it on your chakras and various parts of your body. She gives you mantras to repeat, which are specific to what she's feeling from you. My 4th chakra, which is my heart, she could feel a deep sadness and heartache in the back of it, meaning it's from the past. She also sensed resentment there too. I knew immediately she meant my ex-boyfriend from a very long time ago, that I still had negative feelings about. She told me that she knows I'm a healer and I'm creative, and I have to let the pieces fall into place, it may not make sense now but it will. She encouraged me to think of things I love and things that are negative. She talked about a bridge with darkness behind me and light in front of me and an Angel in front of me (which felt like my Granny) and an Angel behind me (which felt like my Great Grammy) pushing me from the darkness, crossing that bridge and entering the light. Then she said the were next to me, arm and arm, and we were dancing and flying around like fairies. She encouraged me to let all the darkness and negativity go. At one point, I became overcome with emotion, sadness. I started to sob. I apologized because it literally came out of nowhere. She said it was fine, it was all the negative energy coming out of me, being released. My body felt heavy, to the point I could hardly hold my head up. She literally took the negativity from me, the hurt and fear and suffering, and she burps to release it. It's truly amazing. As we were doing this, I envisioned everything she said. My third eye felt like there was sludge, thick and black and heavy, pouring out of it. And as we did more and entered the light, and inhaled the light, I felt the light being sucked into my third eye. When she was done, I felt tired but I felt rejuvenated. I felt so positive. I let so many things out, and couldn't believe that all of this happened, in 15-20 minutes. She said she felt a lot of fear and restriction holding me back. It was one of the most real and unique experiences I've ever had.
Afterwards, we went into the salt room which was awesome. There was 4 lounge chairs in there, and blankets in case your cold. Chunks of Himalayan sea salt on the floor, as well as a the floor being covered with finely ground sea salt. It felt like sand on the beach and it felt amazing to dig my feet in it. These parts help to detox your feet. In the room itself was a variety of salt lamps. So many salt lamps, I was jealous lol. And for 45 minutes, she pumps salt into the air through a machine. Not like thick salt but like a salt mist. We did talk for a bit, but she felt a positive energy surge towards the end, and we remained quiet and closed our eyes. What really amazed me, and it's gonna sound unbelievable, is when we were in the salt room and our eyes were closed, every few minutes I saw a shadow pass my eyes like fairies were flying and dancing around my head. Please keep in mind, there was no flickering lights or anything that could've caused that. I truly believe it was exactly what it felt and looked like it was.
I know this sounds unbelievable, but it was as real as anything. And Dottie is a believer in God, she's a woman of faith. So none of this goes against your religion or faith (if you have one.) It's been a few hours now, and I feel relaxed, and tired. Like so relaxed and tired I could go to bed right now. I feel better. I feel lighter. I feel like a weight has been lifted. If you haven't even done this before, perhaps your skeptical, because there's frauds out there, don't be skeptical of Dottie. She's the real deal, and if she wasn't I would tell you. I would never lie about something so important as this.
Please, if you're in the area, check her out. Or not in the area. Make a day out of it. It was about 45 minutes from us. Be opened minded and try it, especially since it's on Groupon and you can try it for cheap. I will be back, for sure. I need help with learning how to use my empathic skills, and Dottie can help me.
If you have ever had an experience like this, I would love to hear about it!
"Spooky" and "vegan" are two words that light up my vocabulary. I am about that spooky vegan life. And so is Amanda, the creator behind Ghoulish Delights, which is what I'm gonna be blogging about today. This isn't my first time posting about her. She had some Trick 'r Treat and The Nightmare Before Christmas goodies I purchased in October, but she just released some perfume and you know I couldn't pass that up.
As you know, I am *incredibly* picky with perfume. I like vanilla, and anything that's related to that smell. Birthday cake, marshmallow, frosting.. always food smells. The inner fat kid in me wants to smell like a bakery at all times. Ordering perfume I've never smelled before is very risky business for me. But I decided to give it a shot. After asking her what her sweetest scent was, she suggested "Sweet Suffering" and I was game to try it after reading the scent description.
I'm going to copy and paste the scents from her webpage from the perfumes she offered in Volume 1. Here's what they are:
"Blood Bath: amber and dragons blood, soft and sensual, this is GDBS #1 selling scent
Soul Eater: Cedar, vetiver, saffron, and a hint of patchouli, this blend is a great unisex scent that invokes sensuality, calm and a walk in the forest.
Your Mother Uses Perfume In Hell: an exorcism on a rainy day, church incense with a hint of clean rain, great unisex scent
The Angry Princess: death lilies and creeping moss, a sensual floral blend with a hint of mellow spice that even floral haters love, this was the #1 requested return scent!
Sweet Suffering: sweet blood oranges, earthy figs and a dollop of sweetened cream, this scent is the same scent as Pinheads Box and is a cult favorite scent."
I was sold on the scent as soon as I read it. Blood oranges. ✔️ Earthy figs. ✔️ Sweetened Cream. ✔️ I love food scents, and this one was all food based. I had pre-ordered mine (they're all sold out presently!), and I'm really glad I did.
The perfume comes in a 4 oz glass bottle with a mister spray cap. I love that it's glass, less chemicals from plastic and also it feels fancier. I love that you can spray it like a mist. And I love that it's not just an oil based perfume. I love oil based ones don't get me wrong, but this one I can spray on my hair and on my clothes too without any weird residue.
The scent I truly love. So much more than I really anticipated. You actually get all three scents layered together. And like you can smell them individually between the layers, which is really impressive. It's sweet but not hurt your teeth sweet. The earthiness of the figs keeps it level. They suggest spraying like 2-4 sprays but I go overboard because I love it so much.
As with most perfumes I use, I do wish the scent would last longer. I just think that my body chemistry makes perfumes last a short amount of time on me. Because I've used a lot and have had the same issues every time. Even still, I love it and I'm glad I took the chance on buying it. The price is reasonable too. It was only $15 for 4 oz, I pay pretty much the same price for 1 oz of Vanillary (still my tried and true favorite though.)
Also, I had to mention her logo pin I got. I'm a pin collector and I really love her logo, so of course I had to get it! It looks beautiful on my pin board, as you can see!
I highly suggest you not just follow her Instagram but also join her group on Facebook, The Ghoulish Army- GDBS. She's very active on there, and it's not just for her stuff it's for everything. Swaps, and horror movie stuff, and polls and votes. It's really awesome. She truly values her customers input and you feel listened to and heard. I think she does a great job at customer service and retention. Her and her business gets a big thumps up from me!
I've debated a lot on writing this post. I've been pretty open with you guys about my struggles, be it physical or mental. But since March, I've been going through some of the hardest times of my life. And while I don't wanna put my life up for the whole world (or like the five people who actually read this) to see, I think sharing my story might help others. And by now I think you guys know that helping people is kind of my thing.
Really it all started back in October, when I got really sick and started getting tinnitus (which I still have, but it's less noticeable or its gotten better, it's hard to tell.) I was sick for most of October and November, and then December came and I got so sick. One of the sickest I have ever been. I got a bacterial sinus infection, had to take so much medication, and it took a few weeks to feel better from that. All the while dealing with anxiety, IBS, eczema, insomnia, and allergies.. you know, the usual.
Even though I was better, I still felt "off." Disconnected, dizzyish, off balance, discombobulated, all the while my anxiety becoming unbearable. I've always kept my anxiety and OCD under wraps, and kept it to myself. I've been doing it for years, but it became worse and worse. I asked for blood work in February, where I learned that my thyroid was low, not super low, but low. My doctor decided to wait 3 months to get it retested before proceeding with any type of treatment. I have many health issues and am well versed on a lot of them (Dr. Ashley Ronan, Google MD), but thyroid isn't one of them. I've never had any thyroid issues so I've never researched it. I can now add Hypothyroidism to my list of medical diagnoses I've mastered. All of this only added more stress to my life, and it built and it built. Day by day and hour by hour. Until, in late March, I had a mental breakdown.
I had been awake for 60 hours, my body physically refused to let me sleep. Like I would be almost asleep and I would get this intense feeling in my head that made me open my eyes and that's the only thing that gave me relief. I got restless leg syndrome for the first time in my life. I was sick and tired, completely dizzy, beyond anxious, and just a straight up mess. I seriously considered checking myself into a mental institution by the 3rd day. I called out of work, which I NEVER EVER do, and my husband took me to my doctors. My doctor prescribed me Lexapro and Ativan as needed.
I truly believe SSRIs can be very helpful, but only for 50% of patients that take them. I am not part of that 50%. I don't have depression, I have pure anxiety. But the SSRIs gave me depression, plus an array of other horrible side effects, and I woke up the first night I took it into the WORST panic attack of my life. I'm no stranger to panic attack friends, but this one, I was convinced that was it. I woke Kevin up and told him he needed to take me to the hospital, I was dying. There was no doubts about it. I got the prickly heats, tingles all over, nauseous, dry heaved a few times, diarrhea, tunnel vision, drenched in sweat, dizzy and on the verge of passing out. I could barely get myself to the bathroom. I couldn't even keep my head up. I literally laid my head directly on the toilet. Let me tell you something. When someone with OCD lays their head on a toilet, that says something about the mental state they're in. My doctor recommended I stop them, and not try another since they just don't work with my body chemistry.
This lovely panic attack causes my panic disorder and insomnia to be worse than ever. I would wake up every hour in a panic, expecting another panic attack. And the only thing that helped was the Ativan, but it made me groggy the next morning and I was very hesitant to take them. Anxiety medicine like benzodiazepines get a bad rap because they get abused, and can be addictive and habit forming. For a good couple weeks, I went through this cycle of: sleep, wake, panic, to Ativan or not to Ativan?, increased anxiety thinking about it, taking it or not taking it, suffering either way, tiredness, stress.
I had a great conversation with a close family member that shares the same disorders as me, and they confided in me that they've been taking a certain benzodiazepine (I won't mention which on) for 20+ years with no issues. It helps take the edge off of so they can function. I spoke with my doctor and shared this information. He said let's try it, if it works for them there's a good chance it'll work for me too. He prescribed it for me that day.
I wrestled internally for over a week and a half about taking it. All the horrible things I saw online, afraid I'd become a junkie even though I've never had addiction issues in my life. I don't even drink! But anyone with anxiety can tell you, your anxiety brain will fight you tooth and nail for dominance. The thing about anxiety is, it's like another person in your head. Anxiety is an overly competitive bully that doesn't like to lose. It wants you to suffer and wants you to fail and will tell you every single possible bad outcome, and leave out the possibly positive ones. Positivity is bad for anxiety.
After talking to my family member again, I decided to try it for a week. It's just a week. If it works great if not then I stop. I've been on it ever since, so about 2+ weeks now. It's been amazing for me. It doesn't help me sleep as well as the Ativan did, but it doesn't leave me groggy like the Ativan did either. I didn't get the rebound anxiety that the Ativan gave me either. When I wake up at night I don't panic, and in fact I can usually fall back asleep. I was able to go and get blood work all by myself (I'm terrified of blood work) without any unnecessary freaking out or potential crying. I'm taking this daily, at a dose that's low enough I feel comfortable with. That's what my doctor prescribed me, and that's how I'm doing it. Think of it as a vitamin. You take what you're supposed to take and that's it, and that's what I'm doing. I don't feel high, I don't feel unlike myself, I don't feel weird.. I just feel more calm and capable of handling my daily anxiety. There's no such thing as a miracle pill. It's not gone, nor is my OCD, but I'm a realistic person and I know that nothing cures those. Realistic expectations for treatment is literally the first and most important thing to remember.
I've always thought taking medicine for anxiety made you weak. Anxiety gets thrown about daily with people, but only those who suffer from true anxiety know what it's like. Some anxiety is good, and in fact needed. You need your fight or flight for survival, but when you're stuck in fight or flight, that's anxiety. Anxiety is remembering every awful thing that you ever said, have said, and might say. It's remembering that time 5 years ago at 2pm on a Thursday when you made that stupid comment and everyone looked at you weird. It's thinking that really people only tolerate you and not really like you. It's all the what ifs in life, all of which are negative. It's cringing at all these constant thoughts because they're out of your control and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. Lucky for me, I have OCD too, which is another equally awful can of worms that we won't open today. So, when I stopped and thought about it: does taking medicine make me weak? Or does suffering constantly for no real reason have any positive effect on my life? The answer is that it doesn't. Taking medicine for anxiety is like taking insulin if you're a diabetic. Both of which you have no control over. I am genuinely messed up in the head. My brain does not function like other people's brains do. None of that is my fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's genetic and unluckiness. I can't control my anxiety the same way someone with diabetes could control their blood sugar. And that's when it clicked, I had to try it. I'm hoping that my doctor will continue letting me take this, despite the risks, because I feel like they outweigh the benefits. Life is risky. I could leave my house and get hit by a bus tomorrow. Is it really worth suffering everything for risks that might never even happen? No it's not. Not for me. I wanna live, and enjoy life. Not be paralyzed by fear and afraid to leave my house to go to dinner because I feel like we might get into a car crash and die if we do (that's a true story by the way, one that's occurred more than once in my lifetime.) I'll be sure to keep you posted on my never ending anxiety journey, but for now, let's switch topics.
So remember earlier in this story book post I talked about my thyroid being low? Well, I went and got my blood work rechecked this month like I was supposed to, and got the results back Monday. My thyroid is now worse than it was before, and my doctor prescribed me Levothyroxine to take daily. Great, another pill. I'm gonna need a pill box. I have only taken it three days so far, and I know it can take some time to adjust to it and feel results, plus there's reoccurring blood work to check my levels and adjust my dose as necessary. I imagine I'll have to see an Endocrinologist too. Nothing's ever easy is it? The plus side is that so far I haven't noticed any side effects. I don't feel better or worse than I already did. Your thyroid literally affects everything in your body, so hopefully with this medication I can begin to feel like myself again. Because as of right now, I don't. Not at all.
The thing that frustrated me the most after hearing this was that, despite my breakdown, I've been doing so good with eating right, keeping active, drinking a lot of water, I cut out all caffeine, I got a FitBit, I'm still writing in my anxiety journal and seeing my therapist.. I mean like I've been on point. For the first time maybe in forever, I've actually been putting myself (mostly) first. That's a big deal, because I put myself on the back burner constantly. The back burner is my home away from home. Since I thought my thyroid issue was iodine related, I've been eating iodized salt (which I dislike) and even ate some horrible horrible seaweed. I did everything right, but my body still hates me. More and more each day. It's a very frustrating thing when you're doing the best that you can, and you're proud of yourself, and you feel like you're accomplishing things, and yet.. you get knocked down. And it sucks, and it hurts. And it adds fuel to an ever burning fire of disappointment and frustration when it comes to my health.
So the past couple days I've been having a pity party for myself. I know people aren't fans of those and they make you feel bad for feeling bad because somewhere out there someone has it worse than you. And that is 127% true. But guess what? YOU'RE ALLOWED TO FEEL BAD! Throw yourself a pity party. I give you my permission, which sometimes is all it takes. Cry. Scream. Yell. Internet Shop. Eat an entire bowl of mashed potatoes. I've done all of those things this week, and guess what? I'll probably do them again. But don't feel bad for it. Don't be excessive, and don't let it interfere with your job or other aspects of your life where it doesn't belong, but do it.
Thank you for those who took the time to read this story book. There's something cathartic in typing things and writing things. It's different than just saying them ya know? If you take anything away from this post, make it this: listen to your body. If something feels off, get it checked out. Take care of yourself and treat yourself the way your treat others.
I always say this at the end of my personal posts but again, if you need an ear, I'm here. Email me. Message me. I'm here for you.
Peace, love, and health to you all!